I am searching for a friend confi person who I can relate to me.

We can talk about how thankful we are that foreign movies provide us with the two hours of entertainment, and how the directors overseas can portray art and horror and beauty the way the Hollywood ones can't. We can laugh about how Lana's depressing and sultry vocals fills us with so much emotion. We can talk about life and all those thoughts that buzz in and out. We can mostly ponder about the dying state of humanity and how we don't want to live here anymore- but no, we don't consider suicide 'cause that's just not who we are. We can discuss the future and think of the bizarre names we'll give our pets. We can talk about all those crazy things we wanna do but end up not doing 'cause we just can't be bothered to get out of the house. We can talk about the lovely life story of the Spieling-Wendy couple and envy the fact they got to work at Disneyland together.

If interested, please enquire within.

I mean really, why go for preteen boy band members when I might-almost-just maybe
meet him some day?
I cannot articulate into words but I just really really like his expression in this photo very much.

Oh, and maybe someday I'll also meet a recluse/hermit/misanthrope and we'll bond over abodes of interests and joys. Despite the fact that it totally contradicts who we are.

Tell me, do I deserve to feel this way?
Especially since tomorrow's officially the 18th year of my existence on this earth.

I fooled myself into thinking catharsis would work on me.
Well why wouldn't it?
After all people did use it in the 18th century to cleanse themselves of their emotions.

Why can't I be happy?
Why why why?
Why must I plague myself with all these self-conscious thoughts and doubts
that'll just consume my happy feelings and good vibes?
Why must I pick out all the little things people say
for analyzation and examination as if my finals depended on it?

I don't recall it being like this when I was 15.
Of course being in constant thought has its ups and downs.
You worry about things you can't change.
You get anxious over other things and small matters
and even things that don't even relate to you.

Maybe there's this switch that I can flip and turn my brain off
and I'll just around wandering aimlessly but happy and carefree like them.

Austen, I wish you were here.

Once upon a time, the people of the world were so vain that all their prayers were only of personal gain and beauty restoration and that made the Father so disappointed that He released all the bad things into the world and left the world to rot in its selfish ambition.

Sink or swim; sink or swim.
Holding on to that thin thread of hope,
that thin thread of what strives us on.

If you choose to leave this broken world-
the shattered remains of what once was good,
I'll go with you, I promise you.
We'll leave without as much as a backwards glance,
because really, what is there left in this world to admire?

Come Wednesday, come Wednesday please.
Come the day where I will be free from algebraic expressions
and vectors and dy's and dx's.
Come Wednesday the 16th.

And then Tuesday the 29th will be eagerly anticipated, too.
The day where it will finally be over.
I hope.

Mock papers just decrease my confidence sometimes.
Lift my spirits, please.