Tell me, do I deserve to feel this way?
Especially since tomorrow's officially the 18th year of my existence on this earth.
I fooled myself into thinking catharsis would work on me.
Well why wouldn't it?
After all people did use it in the 18th century to cleanse themselves of their emotions.
Why can't I be happy?
Why why why?
Why must I plague myself with all these self-conscious thoughts and doubts
that'll just consume my happy feelings and good vibes?
Why must I pick out all the little things people say
for analyzation and examination as if my finals depended on it?
I don't recall it being like this when I was 15.
Of course being in constant thought has its ups and downs.
You worry about things you can't change.
You get anxious over other things and small matters
and even things that don't even relate to you.
Maybe there's this switch that I can flip and turn my brain off
and I'll just around wandering aimlessly but happy and carefree like them.
Austen, I wish you were here.
